The S word ..

I have just been to a place that is so over whelming it makes ones head spin.  There is too much to look at, too much colour, too much going on and too much traffic.  It is a place where many a parent dreads to take her children for fear of reprisal from others as her child throws another massive tantrum over something that you are sure is not necessary. I always said to myself I would never have a child that would do that..Oh how wrong was I !!  I have since pointed out the security cameras, and the fear that they may end up on a certain TV show can work wonders !


It is a place that when you enter it is designed to confuse you even though they say it wont.  It is a place that can send some people running for the car before one has even finished or at least wishing we had an isle of alcohol to ease the pain.   What am I talking about  ...  I am talking about the Supermarket !!


Supermarket ...  lets just ponder the word first.  I get the market bit.  A place to buy produce. Easy. But Super ??  I don't think so.  More like : Nightmare, Headache, Do I really have to go there again Market!!.
I am sure it was not in the book of instructions of how to be a mum, just one of those things assumed we would have to do.


I have been going to the same one for years.  It is the one my mum used to go to.  The one she would drag us to after school, to wander around bored out of our minds while trying to convince her to buy us something disgusting for breakfast. I still remember a woman coming up to mum, obviously noticing she was a bit frazzled and saying to her " yes it is hard when they get taller that you isn't it dear" . I must have been invisible at that moment or at least wished I was.


Being tall at the supermarket does have its advantages though.  I can reach the top shelves.  I never have to ask for help.  I often get asked by some sweet older lady "could you reach that for me dear " . Not a problem !!  I can reach to the back of the items to get the freshest (older produce always put at the front!) and I can stretch over someone else with an "excuse me" ( while praying my deoderant from that morning is living up to its claims )..to grab something and keep moving. It can be handy.


I know my routine at my local supermarket. I start in the cold isle and move up and down the rest with utmost precision knowing where everything I need is.  I always take a list, although I do find somethings like chocolate are purchased too, but purely for medicinal reasons !
I know how many cans of dog and cat food to grab, how much loo paper, what type of hair colour is best to cover the greys that I am sure have increased since walking in, and how many brussel sprouts to spend time sorting through. Everything in its place.. Until.....


Yes they decide to move it all again.  Where I once found the loo paper I will find washing powder.  Where I used to find peanut butter I now find Lollies..  My whole shopping world and routine .. gone .. changed ..up in smoke !!  Its enough to turn a woman to that chocolate bar that has been calling her since she entered this insane world.


So now I have to move at an even slower pace through the isles.  I have to look twice as hard, which is I suppose why they do it.  So some poor unsuspecting shopper ie: me, will suddenly notice something that I have been missing my whole life and must purchase that instant. It takes me twice as long as I weave my way through other unfortunate shoppers with the same expressions on their faces... the expression of total exhaustion and "why why why did they have to do this again ? " Some company's have too much time on their hands ...


As for trolleys.  You either get a goodie or a baddie.  99% of the time it will be a baddie.  Its hard enough just pushing a trolley that has a very determined mind of its own while trying to make sure you don't shin some poor person who happened to get in the way of the wild marauding beast, but having a child or two on board makes the whole thing even worse.  It unbalances the cart. They wiggle, demand things that you have to open on the way around, and then hope that you remember to hand the screwed up package to the cashier at the end.  To then take it to the car fully laden, down a slope ( there are always slopes at supermarkets of some sort),  while trying to keep it under control, stop our kids from becoming road kill, as the trolly attempts to go the opposite direction and crash into the brand new red BMW parked next to your filthy, child infested, wombat poo smelling car can be quite a workout. The trolleys must have been invented by a man.  No woman would have ever designed something so painful !!

On a positive note though it is a great place to catch up with friends.  I personally always seem to run into a friend I have not seen for ages.  It is the only place I really see her at all ( does that say something for our lives? ) .  I have been known to take up the isle catching up on the latest gossip, the size of our children's feet or the cost of feeding them.  I am a great one for talking .. love a good chat ..but how dare other people take up the room to do the same thing !! How frustrating when I .. the Domestic Goddess .. am trying to shop !!  Karma I say .. Karma !

Finally I have finished.  The trolley is bulging with items I am wondering if I still really need.  Surely the dog cant be that hungry?  Surely we don't need THAT much loo paper?  But alas its the reality of our lives.  Anyway the next dilemma is to find a checkout that does not have too many other impatient shoppers standing there waiting for the same thing .. to get out of the place!!  Why is it there are always more registers closed than open? Cant they see that my child is having a massive hissy fit and I the Domestic Goddess is starting to loose my calm exterior?  Obviously not !

When I manage to be the next one served a flood of relief washes over me until ..they start to add it up.
Does that chocolate really cost that much?  I am sure that really cute spoon with the lovely shiny handle was not $20!!  I see dollar signs flashing before my eyes..  $100, $200, $300, $400 ... pick me up from the floor ..$500 +. How did my trolley of stuff come to that amount?  I wouldn't pay that much for a pair of shoes!!  ( well not quite that much anyway ) . But we hand the card over and press Credit .. ouch..it hurts.
The thing is I take it home, unpack and hide as much from the feral vacuum cleaners as I can and pray it lasts to the next allocated shop.  It usually doesn't make it anywhere near that day.

So it starts all over again. I have a feeling of De Ja Vue every time I enter. But I put a smile on my face, take a deep breath and step foot once more into dreaded S word. Maybe if they had a bar serving something exotic half way around with scantly clad men to push the wild trolleys the supermarket might become quite a pleasant experience.  Here's hoping !!

Cheers Dilly xx